Lodoss Island: Chronicles of The Hot Knight
by SirLarry
Summary: Oneshot ficlet. Deedlit confesses to Parn her deepest desire. Cowritten with bluerain1984


Disclaimer: We don't own 'Record of Lodoss War'. Time for something new :)  
  
Welcome to Lodoss Island: Chronicles of the Hot Knight  
  
Parn and Deedlit came riding over the hill one bright, sunny day. They were traveling through the farm country of lower Valice, where Etoh, the Holy King, rules.  
  
"Parn," Deedlit said sweetly, "When are we gonna get married?"  
  
"What?!" Parn exclaimed, blushing brightly. "Deed, this is so sudden. I had no idea you felt this way."  
  
"Oh, Parn, everyone knows how I feel about you! A girl doesn't stick around for 15 years without getting attached. Now I've made a substantial investment in our relationship, and I wanna get married."  
  
"What relationship?" Parn asked, looking scared, "We don't have that kind of relationship. I mean, I consider you my very best friend in the whole world."  
  
"Well, I consider you to be more than that," Deedlit said, putting her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. "And would it kill you to put out every once in a while? A girl can't get all her kicks from riding on the back of a horse all day long, you know."  
  
"Please, Deedlit, be more discrete! You don't know who could be listening!" Parn warned as they rode up beside a large haystack. Just then, a red dragon descended from the sky, upon whose back rode?  
  
"Shiris?!" Parn and Deedlit both exclaimed. The feisty red head hopped down off her dragon mount.  
  
"Oh Parn, if Deedlit's getting too bossy for you, maybe you could come with me and consider being my king." Shiris said coyly. "The Dragon Riders need a leader they can look up to."  
  
"Uh.. Can't they look up to you on your own?" Parn asked, starting to sweat at the overload of estrogen.  
  
"Oh, no!" Shiris said, "I'm as loose as a change purse! The most they can do is look up AT me." She slid up to the horse, and took Parn's hand. "Oh Parn, won't you at least roll in the hay with me?"  
  
"Respectable people don't roll in the hay," Parn said valiantly.  
  
"How dare you!?!" they heard suddenly. They turned and looked at the haystack beside them. It started to move! Parn drew his sword, the girls cowering behind him.  
  
"What is this? Some kind of hay monster?" Parn asked, ready to fight. But then, a head popped out from the hay. It was Sir Spark of Flame! His blue hair had bits of straw hanging from it, and his face was flushed.  
  
"How dare you, you Varlet?!" Spark demanded again.  
  
"How dare I do what?" Parn asked, confused.  
  
"How dare you insult my lady and I with that crack about 'respectable people'!?" Spark cried as Lady Neese popped out of the hay. She gathered her clothes about her bare shoulders, her face bright red.  
  
"Spark! Don't!" Neese cried, "If my father finds out, he'll turn you into a frog! King Kashu's can't be a frog!"  
  
"But I can't let Parn get away with insulting the two of us," Spark said, climbing out. He adjusted his belt and slipped his cape back on to his shoulders. Then he turned to Parn and said angrily, "I'll have you know we're quite respectable people and we love to roll around in the hay together!! Now, fight me, sir Parn, or you have no honor!" As Spark drew his sword, a bright magical light appeared over his head, and POOF! He was turned into a frog. A blue haired frog with a tiny sword clutched in his fins.  
  
"Oh no! Spark!" they all cried. Just then, appearing from nowhere, a cloud appeared, and from it a booming voice.  
  
"I AM SLAYN!!" cried the voice. The dust settled, and there stood Slayn.  
  
"How dare you interrupt two knights about to do battle?" Parn demanded. "I order you to transform him back at once, so that we may defend our honor!"  
  
"Ribbet!" the knight/frog cried.  
  
"And who will defend my helpless child's honor?" Slayn asked. "I won't have you knights corrupting her mind."  
  
"But Daddy!" Neese said, picking up the blue haired frog, "I love him! Look at this face! Isn't this the face of a son-in-law who'd serve you well?" The frog in her hands smiled wide, showing pearly white teeth.  
  
"Very well!" Slayn cried, "He shall be restored to normal, on one condition: one of you three girls must kiss him and perform the spell of transformation yourself!"  
  
"Me?! Kiss a frog?!" Deedlit screamed, "No way! I'm a High Elf, and daughter of a king!"  
  
"I'm not gonna kiss some warty, slimy frog!" Shiris huffed. "I'll do a lot of things with a lot of guys, but I'm not gonna do it with a frog!"  
  
"I guess it's up to me!" Neese said cheerfully. She puckered up, and kissed Spark squarely on the lips. POOF! Neese was also transformed into a frog, with long purple hair, and bright red lips. The others looked on in horror  
  
"NO!!!" Slayn cried,. "That's not the right spell!! My wife's gonna kill me! Now, what was that spell? Oh yes! 'Hickory- Dickory-Doc, three mice ran up the clock!" POOF! Parn, Deddlit, and Shiris were suddenly transformed into mice, one of them having very pointy ears and blond hair, another with a tuft of bright red hair, and the third cloaked and sitting atop his mighty steed, with the reins still clutched in his tiny little paws.  
  
"Oh NO!" Slayn cried, "That wasn't it either! Oh dear, oh dear! Uh? Uh? Incant, Revert!" POOF! Slayn was transformed into a blond headed bunny rabbit. With a wiggle of his ears, and a twitch of his nose, and a shake of his tail, they were all transformed back into their human state.  
  
"That was a colossal waste of time," Shiris remarked. "Why Don't you let Parn fight him, and be done with it?"  
  
"Yeah! Go Parn!" cheered Deedlit, holding up a f;lad with Parn's face in a heart on it. She passed one to Shiris, and the two began cheering, "YAY! Parn Parn he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!"  
  
"I won't let you touch a hair on Spark's head!" Neese shouted. She lifted her hand, in in a POOF! of bright magical light, they were gone? along with Shiris's dragon.  
  
"Great, now how am I gonna get out of here?" Shiris pouted. Then, with a light bulb of inspiration over her head, "Oh Parn?" she cooed, but she was too late. Deedlit had taken hold of the reins and was galloping away with Parn, holding on tightly behind her. "HEY!" Shiis cried as she dashed off after them, "Where the heck do you think you're goin'!!? Damsel in distress! DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!!!"  
  
"Uh, Deed, shouldn't we stop for her?" Parn asked the Elf.  
  
"No way! I have to get you to the Holy city on time," Deedlit said.  
  
"On time for what?"  
  
"For our wedding!" Deedlit cheered, and was suddenly in a long white dress and veil.  
  
"Wedding!?! NO!!!!!!" cried Parn in agony.  
  
The End  
AN: Review! 


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